Say it again again again

she wants to meet me knowing
that I have always fucking
loved her and she says
no expectations
because we're older
and I think
BULLSHIT
no expectations
just
gives you that
back door

that keeps me loving you
that keeps me begging you

with unspoken practices
and emotional blurring

I used to type until daylight
and then
curl up next to her

the junkyard next door
at dawn
looked like
new secrets
like
promises

after bone ridden nights
tapping keys and feeling
her
curl up
sleeping and smiling
against
me

it felt like a dirty secret
and it might be